Tuesday, January 10, 2012

My Story - Trying to Be Happy in a 'Bad' Marriage

The happiest day of my life was when I married my Mr. over 25 years ago in 1986. 

I was so incredibly happy and in love.  Do you remember that feeling?

We were going to change the definition of 'love'.  There was never a love like ours and never would be again.

We were the exception.  We vowed NEVER to use the "D" word (divorce) and didn't until recently.

I had fashioned my wedding day look after Disney's Cinderella.  Oh I was (and still am!) a hopeless romantic.

I made my vows with all my heart.  Do you remember them?

"I, Mrs., take you Mr., to be my lawfully wedded husband, to have and to hold from this day forward, for better or for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish; from this day forward until death do us part."

God, I meant it.

We were filled with love, hope and anticipation.  We would be the most loving parents and have the happiest marriage until we grew to a ripe old age.  Then, as grandparents, we would look back on our extraordinary life together with satisfation.

My marriage didn't work out that way.  Perhaps neither did yours.

I do have two beautiful children.  They are wonderful children who believe their parents are happily married.  We will continue to have them think this is the case. 

I have tried EVERYTHING I know to save my marriage.  My husband is not interested but is satisfied with the status quo.  We've discussed the "D" word.  He is concerned about our teenage children, as am I. 

However, it is hard to live with the secret day and and day out when everyone thinks you are happily married.

Our recent 25th Anniversary went unnoticed and uncommented upon.

It utterly broke my heart.

So my husband and I live together as very good friends, but not husband and wife.  And all that implies.  We hug and still get along reasonably well. We are staying married for the children and our religion does not allow for divorce.

This blog is not to bash husbands so if you want to do that, please go to another blog.  Such comments will be deleted.

This blog is to discuss ways in which I will try to find happiness and contentment while living in a 'bad' marriage.  Could it be worse?  Sure.  I choose to focus on accepting the reality while doing what I can.  I will share what I am doing in the hopes that it might help you.

This is my motto for living now:

If you are in the same situation or even in a temporarily tough spot in your marriage, you are welcome to join me.

It is what it is. 

I firmly believe that God doesn't make mistakes and that as long as we're breathing - there is hope.

"What God has joined together, let no man pull asunder."